Lessons Learned

by Kat Clark

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not turn from it.” –Proverbs 22:6 (KJV)

We’d been fighting our twelve-year-old son all week about doing his schoolwork. Taking away his computer resulted in hours-long meltdowns and dysregulation. The more we nagged—as he called it—the more he pushed back. His teacher gave him through the weekend to catch up and avoid getting an honor code violation; a piece of paper brought home for undesirable behavior or failing to meet expectations. Subsequent honor code violations result in increasing consequences.

We tried helping him break up the work into small sections, creating a schedule, and setting timers. He complained that we were nagging him and insisted he wanted to handle it himself. All of this fighting was harming our relationship with him and what we were doing wasn’t working. However, what if we put it in his hands with the knowledge that he might fail? What if we stopped micromanaging and arguing and let him make the choice and face the consequences? What if we let him fail?

I pulled my husband aside to come up with a plan. Together we explained to our son that he had until bedtime Sunday night to do his work and reminded him of the consequences if he didn’t complete it. We told him we would be happy to help if he needed it. Then we let him be.

Spoiler alert: he didn’t do his work and faced an honor code violation. He cried. He begged me to let him stay up Sunday night and do it or talk to his teacher. It was one of my most difficult parenting moments, but I didn’t give in. I let him fail.

I told my son that it was not only okay to fail but part of learning. While it was difficult, I believe he learned an important lesson when we allowed him to face the consequences of his own choices instead of rescuing him.

It made me consider how God will allow us to make mistakes and fail. He knows what’s best for us, but He allows us the free will to make our own mistakes. He allows us to experience the consequences of our choices so that we may learn and grow. God doesn’t want to see us suffer, but He will allow it for our own good. That’s the love of a parent. Sometimes God teaches us by letting us learn from our own mistakes.

Heavenly Father, You see where our paths lead before we take the first step. Guide our ways, Lord. Forgive our shortcomings. Help us to learn valuable lessons when we stumble. Remind us that we can always turn to You. In Your Mighty Name, Amen.